Martha Finally Cheats, Middle class wife is intrigued by well-endowed neighbor, “Ohhh…myyy…goddd! You won’t believe what just happened.” my best friend exclaimed as soon as I opened my door in response to her frantic knocking.
“Yikes! Juicy gossip? It must be good, you haven’t been this excited since you found out that the Bartlet’s boy is gay.”
“God Martha, I just can’t believe that I just saw what I did.”
We had moved to the living room. I sat on the edge of the sofa.
“For god’s sake you look like you’re going to burst, just spill it out.” I said laughing at her excitement.
“OK, I went to the Pratt’s tonight to get their dues. God they’ve got all this garish Mexican style furniture. Anyway, Sybil answered the door and I went in. They have this glass top dining room table. So we sat there and I spread out the association papers to show her and told her they could pay all at once or four times a year.”
This was dragging on. I interrupted, “So you saw that they have ugly furniture. Big deal.”
Now I have to explain. We live in a tract that has a homeowners association. The Pratt’s had recently moved in across the street. Sue and I kind of thought they didn’t fit. Most of the families here are mid-thirties couples with kids. The Pratts were an older looking guy and a very young looking wife and no kids.
“Martha, shush. It’s not the furniture I saw. Sybil called Martin to bring the checkbook and pay the dues and read and sign the papers. Well in he walks in this white bathrobe, hair wet, I guess just out of the shower. He sat down across from me and when he picked up the papers I was looking right through the glass table top at his legs. Then he scooted forward to write a check and the robe moved up. He was sitting on the edge of the chair and his you-know-what was hanging down. I mean HANGING DOWN. When he moved it kind of swung back and forth. God it was like this big flesh colored banana.”
“Oh my god Sue, you looked at it?”
“Just for a second. I mean I was so embarrassed.”
“Yeah, right. Just long enough to tell me it swung back and forth and big as a banana”. By now we were both giggling like schoolgirls.
“Did he see you looking? Oh my god, what if Sybil saw you looking at her husband? Anyway, it probably wasn’t as big as you think, I mean just seeing some man like that you’d get so embarrassed that you wouldn’t really know what you were seeing.”
“Girl friend, it was big!”
Well that was, I suppose, the start of my downfall.
By now you’re probably getting the impression that Sue and I are not wild sex-bombs. You may even be thinking, what is this, some fifteen year-old telling her story. Well I was 38 at the time but probably had less experience than my sixteen year-old daughter and her friends.